Goloafer

Never a dull moment

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 19:49:29 GMT

Two nights ago, my neighbor emily begins calling and texting me and stacy at 12:45am saying that the neighbors dogs are out across the street..remember the mug shot..saying she got two of them in her backyard and cant get the others and will not go over there on acount of the fact they're fuckin nuts and its 1am. She eventually calls animal control who isnt open xmas day and gets transferred to the police. They come and help Lisa(Mugshot) get the dogs back to the house. Fine. The next morning I wake up and there are three patrol cars down the street a ways and a brocken recliner laying in their front yard now. The cops walk up and knock on the door letting themselves in. Apparantly everything was fine because they left quickly. By 9am, Lisa had thrown a coffee table and some other furniture in the yard. When I got home at 3, it was all gone. Im guessing the AA isnt working at this point as stacy saw her come home with a huge brown paper bag earlier. So the afternoon winds down, we cook dinner...as it cools we go out front for a smoke. All four dogs are in the yard over there barking up a storm. As we have already vowed to stay out of their shit, we just figured they'd hear the barks and let them back in and fix the assumed hole in the fence they are getting out of. One dog bolts across the street into an oncoming car who slams on the brakes and misses the dog. Ok, now we have to go over there. Once in the yard, we notice the front door wide open, no lights on inside. Stacy yells 'Bobby, your dogs are out" to which he replies.."Good, I dont give a fuck, let 'em get killed, someone needs to shoot them damn dogs" Ok? What now? We call 911 and tell them its not really an emergency but these people wont let thier dogs back in. They dispatch and show up. The cops get three of the dogs in and get a real call and drive off. Ten minutes go by, an patrol car drives right up to the house shining his spotlight, gets on the loudspeaker, "bobby, get out of the house".."I dont want to" he yells back. Two more cars drive up and all four cops are in the yard now talking to Lisa about whatever the situation is now because we didnt call them back.(Apparantly he called on her this time) Words are exchanged, a cop asks us if this is a regular domestic occurance, we tell them he does own a firearm and proclaims to be a grand wizard of the KKK. We ask whats going on, they say "nothing really but them being extremely drunk and crazy". The cops basically tell them to chill and leave again. Three minutes later a door slams and she's one the front steps yelling at us to call 911 because he locked her out. Cops show right back up, slap cuffs on both of them. "What's your last name" a cop asks..And Bobby replies "My last name is FUCK YOU!"..."You cant take away my right to free speech, i'm going to sue the hell out of you people when I get out" to which the police proceed to call the paddywagon and they go to jail. You could hear her kicking the backdoor from the inside. Just another night on the block.

Disorderly Conduct
Obstruction
Disorderly House

SUPER BOWL BABY!!!!!

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:37:55 GMT

Ok, so now we are in the finals. Not the final stretch. The freaking FINAL game. It starts tonight and runs through monday night. So I need you to tell Ava whatever you told her last week to help her uncle win. We've come so far...cannot lose to Todd now. It's just not an option. And the $900 bucks and ego boost is a nice incentive too. Anyways, sent you guys a UPS package yesterday. Be on the lookout. Hope it gets there before Xmas. Pray for me tonight.

Rock on Baby!

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 03:05:54 GMT

So now Im going to send messages to Ava via email blog telepathy to help me win next week. Because BabyFantastic won again and im stoked and will be highly disparaged if I lose next week. Only because then we're out. When I beat Nathan next week, he will cry, and the money will go into her college fund eventually...TV fund for now...You understand. Nevertheless, We have now entered a college football bowl fantasy under the assumed name of Kung-Fu Ava. C'mon Baby!

Answer to text

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 22:38:39 GMT

http://www.genealogy.com/askr062200.html

It's all so confusing.

Diva Ritchie 12/2/91-11/21/08

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:23:10 GMT

Diva Ritchie

Diva Ritchie passed away yesterday in Savannah, Georgia at Island Veterinary Clinic just shy of her seventeenth birthday. She was born Diva Schneider to mother Stacy. A yellow lab mix true to form and spirit, though no vet could ever figure out what other breed she was mixed with. She enjoyed life fully participating in everything from water sports to hanging out by the fire late at night. With age, she never missed a beat by being ever so cunning to get that last scrap of chicken out of the trash without being caught. Always following Stacy around, Diva never shyed away from any living creature as she had a heart of gold and the will of a champion. She was a fighter till the end and a true friend and daughter. Diva is survived by her mother, Stacy Ritchie, father, Adam Ritchie, brother, Simon Ritchie, sister Abby Ritchie, cousin Josephine (P.J.) Schneider. A cremation will take place this weekend. Funeral arrangements are undecided at this time. In lieu of flowers, the family asks for your prayers in this time of loss. Diva will be sorely missed by her family and friends who loved her dearly.

Neighbor

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:18:51 GMT

I think I told you about this lady. She lives across the street. Long story short, she lives with her father ('Daddy') and never leaves the house. Mom died a few months back from parkinsons...been in a vegetative state for over 7 years..anyhow, this woman drinks a lot, pees in a trash can by the couch, doesnt eat, smokes cigars...sad story really. She's deteriorating. Saturday, she went for a drive and hit a parked car on our street at 11:30 am with 4X the legal alcohol limit. Got arrested for DUI, disorderly conduct, and improper U-turn.She is out of jail now. My guess is the next time we see her is in a body bag coming out of the house. Tragic.

Coolest Thing I have ever owned

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:23:13 GMT

Stacy got me this the other day! So cool.

Who's at fault?

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:49:03 GMT

Question/Scenerio

This guy at work, Chris, went to a bar downtown last night with his brother Cory's ID and debit card. Obvioulsy not 21 yet. Proceeds to drink. Around 1am he goes to the bathroom and falls asleep. The bar breaks in the door after a while to get him out. Dont know if they tried knocking or what. I guess chris went along with the ruse that was 22 years old cory as the onwer took some info from him as to not get in trouble for underage drinking. Anyhow, today the owner of the bar calls work (why he told him where he worked is beyond me) and tells chris he needs to pay $685 to replace the door or he's calling the police. Who's really at fault here. They broke the door. But he was locked inside asleep.

The other part...Jacksonville Sucks.

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 02:41:21 GMT

Aside from the sweet hotel room christi got us with her superstellar military discount, the people and atmosphere in jv (as it is to be known from here on out) suck. Down to the security guard at the show who so rudely said you cant stand here. Um..we have passes you fuck. He was doing his minimum wage job, yet all he had to say was 'please guys move over because youre in the way...in a nice tone'. Oh no, he basically said get the fuck out of my area. Which we did and moved to the other side of the arena where that security guard was asleep! Yeah, got right in.
So the show is over and we feel obliged to say goodbye to brandon and thank him for his hospitality. We go pee in the zen room, wait in the corridor for ten minutes and decide to go. Stacy texts him that were leaving, and he meets us in the middle of the arena for our goodbyes. There is so much liquid on the floor he skates over. I'm hoping it was all alcohol. We say our farewells as the extreme set is being dismantled behind us. Those stickers got us this far. The arena is empty and were just walking around cables and wires.
Soberish aT this point due to the fact that the concessions closed at 10pm, we wander outside the arena to get a cab. I go to the atm for cash for a cab as we spent the last $17 on three drinks an hour ago. Walk outside and theres a bar 10 yards away. Sweet! We have a couple there. Bartender there Rastifarian idiot. After Stacy calls girls bitches, we head to another bar a $3 cab ride away. Walking is not an option. End up at the 'Twisted Martini". Dj and all. Stacy dances with Slim Shady, we drink...then last call. Ok, I know its 1:45am. Bars close at two and theres clean up time right? So me and christi get a jager bomb and another beer. No soon were we done with our shot, some canadian begins ushering us out. Like two minutes after we ordered our drink. They give us a cup and say get the fuck out. Unreal.

Point is jv sucks for hospitality.

Down in Sugarland

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 20:04:36 GMT

So as you may or may not know, Stacy's sister dates Brandon of Surgarland. His brother is one of the duo fronting the highly popular country band. They've won miltiple awards and such. Now it is country, which I normally dont like but they're not bad for country. Anyhows, Brandon invited us to the show in Jacksonville last time he was in Savannah. He said we'd get good seats and backstage passes. Of course we werent going to pass on that. And it was on a Thursday night so we wouldnt have to miss work on the weekend. Awesome.
So we took Christi with us, Jeff couldnt get out of work, and drove down to Jacksonville. Christi used her military pull to get us a sweet room a mile away from the arena. We were supposed to meet Brandon for dinner at the show, but we got in a bit late. We pondered going to the swanky hotel bar to get a few appetizers brfore the show. But he called and said there was still plenty food. So begins our adventure.
He tells us to go to the southside loading dock of the arena and call him and he'll escort us in. Of course the cab driver has no clue where that is and drops us out front. We ask a cop where the loading dock is and follow his direction. We thought we'd just go to will call, get the tickets, say hi to him, watch a bit of the show and leave. Wow, were we mistaken.
We find the loading dock and wait at the gate. You know that scene in almost famous where people are mulling about outside the gate waiting to get a glimpse at anything, yeah, we got right through. He gives us our "All Access" stickers and tickets with floor seats and ushers us to a big black curtained off area. "You guys hungry?". Expecting cold cuts, fruit trays, veggie platters...we turn the corner. Holy Shit! It's like a real meal. Rack of lamb, smoked sausage, huge crab cakes, various soups, sides, salads, desserts, coffee, tea...basically everything you could want. Freakin' awesome. They travel with their owns catering staff that cook the whole tour three meals a day. They bring all the food, ovens, stoves, plateware...everything packed in road cases. They change up the menu every day. Sometimes to reflect the region they are in. It was a mediterreanean themed lunch apparantly. After this great dinner, he gives us the grand tour. Shows us the stage, soundboards, video boards, dressing rooms, makehshift offices, the zen yoga room for after the show, basically the whole behind the scenes work of what goes into the 90 minute show. Then we go to his tour bus. Holy crap it's nice. Leather everything, bunks with personal flatscreens and media systems, showers...rock star everything! We have a drink on the bus..one things off the list of things do do before you die. Now throughout or tour we heve to keep showing these stickers to local security to pass. Which is so cool because they dont even question a thing. We literally had access to anything and anywhere we wanted to go. What a feeling. Brandon leaves us to prep for the show and we go into the arena to get a couple of drinks with the 'common folk'. These are true country fans mind you. You have a picture in your head and it's correct. After a while we decide to go find our seats for the show. We are ushered into the crowd. Tenth row in the middle of all the fans. We sit for a few minutes while the chick next to Christi has no idea her ass cheek is about to swallow christi whole. As we think for a sec...we have the right to go wherever. We head to the side of the stage and watch from there, behind the security guards and away from the fans. Much better. Show goes on, very high energy and really good. These people actually care about their fans and interact with them.
Anyhow, the whole experience was simply fantastic. Heavy drinking ensued later in downtown Jacksonville. Thats a whole other story.

BabyFantastic on a roll!

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:00:38 GMT

Fantasy Football. Nobody get worried. But we are kicking some ass here. And to think, 9 weeks ago I might have thought Joe Montana was still the QB for the 49ers. What amazing fun this is. Imagine, I declined this once before I was wrangled into it. I cant wait til next year when I actually know whats going on. So far we're 8-2. I should only lose once more which would put me at 12-3. Playoffs and $900 bound! How fun would that be?

Ask.com

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:49:02 GMT

I queried Ask.com my brocolli thought and this is what popped up.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080111171608AA2jCWF

A bike ride or two

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 20:11:19 GMT

So we got new bikes last week. Nice, sharp looking beach cruisers. No gaers, just a plain old cool looking bike. Mine is blue with what were to be red rims..very orange..which had my Bulldog fans upset I was backing Auburn football. Stacy's is Vanilla with pink rims. I got her a basket which I spray painted pink and a pink bell. Nice and girlie. See, all our neighbors have bikes now and take trips downtown to drink and watch football so of course we could not be left out. Anyhow, after we (by that I mean Jeff) put the bikes together Stacy was hell bent on riding somewhere at 8:00pm. Jeff andf I negated this BRILLIANT idea as we were all well on our way into cocktail hour. So Stacy, Paul, Chris, and Christi rode off into the darkness. Jeff and I sat on the porch wondering the state and shape they would be in when or if they got back. 2 hours later they arrived with stories. They went to an Italian little bistro place down the way..Stacy ran into a parked car once, and then fell in the middle of Reynolds St. Before they ate mind you. They got home safe and brought us a pizza. Lovely ladies.

Second Ride.

We rode our bikes to Porter's (todd's 7 year old) football game at the park about a mile away. jeff strapped a cooler to his and Stacy had her water bottle full of vino. We stayed at the game for a little bit, he really enjoyed us being there, and went over to Johnny (you remember him..still sorry bout that) and Jamie's house for a drink. Drinks at their house is never just one or two. Shit, they opened more wine for stacy and Jeff and I had to ride home for more beer. We all should have gone home right then.

After coralling our new crazy neighbor's dogs and strapping a 24 pack of bottles to Jeff's bike, we went back to 48th st (3 blocks). A wacky southern lesbian we had met earlier was there and all over our wives. In a good way, it made them feel better about themselves. She was a cool chick. Anyhow, drinks and shots ensue. As the night winds along, stacy finds multiple jars of pickles in the kitchen which Jamie's brother made. Of course she one as she loves herself some pickles. He says sure, "just give the jar back when you're finished". We finally get out of there as she has to work. Now on bikes mind you and the pickles, cigarettes, lighter and bike lock in the new basket on her bike. 3 blocks...right. We were almost home when a car passes us, she loses control and runs right into the back of a parked car, falls over, pickle jar crashes, dog inside a house barking...I get her up, grab the smokes and lighter..cant find the lock.. and she wants to clean up the mess..Hell no. "Get home now before we get arrested" . She was very upset about the pickles.

The next afternon, jeff comes over and we tell him the story. Apparantly they had a nice ride home also, separate form ours as we left before them. Christi T-Boned a parked truck with her bike. Jeff went to turn around with the 3/4 empty case of beer on his bike and it fell off. Bottles flying, smashing, spewing full ones...He picked most of them up and restrapped it and it fell off again. They walked their bikes home.

Needless to say, there will be no rides to downtown as the girls cant seem to stay away from parked cars.

?

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:42:33 GMT

Why don't they can brocolli? Every other vegetable comes in a can. Just thinking.

Prayer

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 03:41:54 GMT

Please say a little prayer for BabyFantastic tonight. Neighbor Todd needs 30 points tomorrow from his wide receiver. Granted, not likely, but possible. I need to beat him and my team's done playing. I need bragging rights bad!

Yesterday

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 21:00:01 GMT

So I went to the bank to depoist the days earnigs as usual. theres one teller, this usually takes about 3 minutes. Anyhow she had a lady cashing a check for 324.17. yes I know that because I was there for that long. as the cashing was processed, the teller gave her the cash and then the 17 cents, the 'client' said, whats this, give his to someone else. Obviously I was already irritated at the time consumption at hand and listened in. Of the dime, nickel ans two pennies she got, the dime was less than perfection in her mind. She returned it for a cleaner dime. Ok. Chuckles ensue between the teller and I as she handles my transaction smoothly. Really, a dirty dime.

Then I went to the gas station for smokes, sorry bro Im glad your doing good with that...yet a lady walked in ahead of me and I just knew. She went straight tothe coller of 40's and grabbed a bud ice or something. Got to the conter before me and pulled out a pocket full of change ' How much 'dis cost' she says to the guy. he rings it up and it's $1.59. Of course she doesnt have that much. As she loudly asks which 40 is the cheapest he tells her Ice House. She goes back and I get rung up. No problems, as she is in the cooler she holds one up and yells, " 'dis one?" he replies with a nod and I go one my way thinking if she doesnt have $1.50 she probably shouldnt be buying beer in the first place. Very odd two trip home.

Heard this story

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 05:02:19 GMT

Forgive me now for lack of flow here...Im going to tell you a story handed down to me from the husband of a wife of a guy she knows. Lets start with names

Kelly- wife, systems trainer
Chris - husband
Matt - systems trainer
Joe - guy

Chris tells us this story tonight.

So Joe is looking for a job after losing his wife and mother to cancer within a few months. Left with 2 kids to care for and no job prospects. Joe sings up for these internet systems training classes (on what I dont know) that Kelly teaches. Kelly teaches the first leg of the training. Matt teaches the second. There is a third but Joe never gets there. Anyhow, Joe gets through Kelly's training on his way to getting a job to support his kids and what have you. Goes to the second leg of training with Matt. They become buddies as much as one can be with their trainer/boss via internet within the next two months. Joe calls Matt and tells him he's not worried anymore about finding a job. 'thanks for all you've done for me' He's going to Australia with his kids for awhile. Why? He just won 40 million dollars in the lottery. After they leave for the airport a huge crate arrives on the doorstep of Matt's house. The delivery guys asks if Matt can open it then because the crate costs $300 and he needs to take it back. Of course Matt abides. Opens the top and digs through five feet of packing materiel to find a tiny box at the bottom. In the box is a key.

As of this point, we have no clue, nobody does, Joe is in Australia and Matt is left with a key.

Random Query

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:20:18 GMT

We were talking last night about nothing as usual as a pounding rainstorm surrounded us. Of course we were not forced from the porch at any time. Only sideways blowing rain does that to us troopers. Im sure people driving by think were absolutely nuts but whatever.
Anyhow...Do you think you (meaning a woman) would get in trouble..i.e. arrested for wearing a bra and panties on the beach (black mind you...the see through would definately be a problem). Would it be classified as public indecency. I mean, whats the difference between that and a string bikini? Or as a man wearing whitie tighties in place of a speedo? Is it the social classification of 'undergarments' that raises my question? Im not arguing a side here, just a thought because I dont see a difference.

Why is it that....

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:48:03 GMT

As soon as things are going fine, EVERYTHING BREAKS! Fuck me!

Not only do we now need a new washing machine, we need a new dishwasher too. Our HVAC will break tomorrow most likely. Wonderful. Like we can afford that. There goes the new deck I've been saving for. Is it the middle class getting raped and taxed out the ass bacause we should be able to budget for things like this? The poor have welfare and the rich have the government on their side. Convenient. They vote no one week, the markets crash..oops...so they vote yes the next week. What changed? Added a little pork to every no vote to make it a yes. Probally. Anyhow, off on a tangent.

BabyFantastic football team is in 2nd place! Kung-Fu Ava would have been a better name though.

On this Day

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:16:38 GMT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_25

Who Rocks?

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:23:58 GMT

As you know, I had an issue with LT playing or not. As he was still "questionable" as of sunday morning, the last point I can change anything before the start of the games, I was forced to bench him. If he didnt play and I had him In I would have fucked myself, So I replaced him with some dude, who Im about to drop anyhow, just a replacement as needed. But the good news is that he did play, and scored some points. But thats OK because I still won my game without him! So I hope that bodes well for the rest of my team that they can still win without him. With him in I'm unstoppable! If you cant tell im really getting into this shit. And I learned something yesterday...This game is not all about the point totals, its the match up games every week. You have to win the game. Which in retrospect I should have gotten because thats how real football is played. You can score 10 points all season as long as you beat the competition week in and week out. Idiot. The points matter in the event of a tiebreaker situation. This whole time I was focusing on the points..

"BabyFantastic" has "Turf Toe"

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:48:10 GMT

As you know, I named my Fantasy Football team after my future niece, for good luck. As you also know, im not a jock or give a rats ass about football, yet after two weeks of less than a sub par preformance in my league of neighbors, im spending hours perfecting my team. (yeah, you guys are in sandiego..and if you see him, tell LT to fix his fucking turf toe issue..he's dragging me down) I'm totally into this all of the sudden, I could have taken my last place finish the first week and rolled over as the guy who knows shit about football..but I didnt, I researched players, teams, stas, byes, positions, injuries, tips, etc..and actually got better the second week. Which was good because people were laughing at my boys' scores the first week. Good thing this is a 17 week bet. And with a pot of $900 at the end you'll be damn sure im getting it...that is if LT fixes his fuckin toe and runs a bit! So were going into week 3 soon and I need to know if LT is playing monday, because I cant change anything after saturday. If he decides to sit out sunday afternoon, im fucked because I cant replace him then. I cant drop him cause he's the best RB in the league..supposedly. If I bench him and he plays good, i'll look like a fool to the people who are begging me to trade him and i wont get the points. I guess its all a gamble from here.

My goal for you two...find LT and ask him if hes playing or not. Kristen, im sure you can find his cell number with all you connections to the tech field?.. Its a matter of life or death in this fantasy world...tell him that for sympathy. Not hard right?

Too easy to find people these days...and for what?

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:59:47 GMT

Call this next post jaded or what have you...but the information accessible on people these days is ridiculous. Im not sure if its bad or good. Im not even talking about stealing credit and identity and all, just being able to basically snoop/spy/track on anyone in your past or current circle through various means of facebook or myspace, or this site for example. All your 'friend' has to do is let you in. Odd. You can see birthdays, pictures of parties, parents, schools...everything stealing ones identity on paper does not include. So, in essense, if you stole someones social security number and credit report, then accessed their facebook page, you could become them with simple cut and paste. Before these social networking sites, thieves only had a name and number, now they can get the whole life. Thats not even where I was going with this...but strange in a paranoid sort of way.

Anyhow, my point was that I was fucking around yesterday on facebook and through the great technology of 'people you may know', my long since ex popped up. You remember Mandy Woodall, right phil? Of course I was curious to what she was doing and looked like so I added her as a friend, which she promptly accepted. I flipped through the photo album and moved on. I got what I wanted out of it. But then a sinister thought propmted me to write. She hasnt talked to me in ,oh, 12 years or so. What if I was crazy going back to stalk exes and the such. Which I wasnt. But what if? It makes it so easy to 'rekindle' friendships lost. Which isnt a bad thing in its own right, Im just saying, some people im sure use this to contact lost grudges or things of the same nature. I know 99% of people, including me, are plain curious what the girl I made out with when I was 16 is doing 12 years later. That's all. I dont know what I would do if she wanted to keep an open line of communication going, because I dont care all that much. Thats what it is, people are curious about lost friendships, then when you rekindle them, you wish they would go back again. Im just saying, 12 years later, what on earth would I have to talk about? Same thing with Matt O'Brien, remember him, awkward looking fella, emailed me through facebook too with the obligatory 'What you been up to?'... How do you respond to that..."life" Go through the basic rigamarole of major events and have nothing to chat about after that? I know its seems a bit mean, but friends come and go throughout your life and sometimes theres a reason to keep them in the past but check on them from time to time. I mean its not like we're going to become best buds again or anything. I dont know, its just amazing how easy it is to find people these days whether you want to or not.

Spanish 1

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 04:31:21 GMT

Every word from spanish one. Theres a Spanish 2 love song starring erik estrada, but its not so funny.

Its gettin' hot here...lets go shoot someone?

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 02:53:06 GMT

I read this article in the fabulous Savannah Morning News today.

http://savannahnow.com/node/574140

Hope the link works...Anyhow...our police are saying the latest rash of shootings...is due to the economy..no..unemployment..no...drugs..kinda.. laziness..no...oh yeah..IT'S HOT!

This article actually blames the fact that these people are hot, cant pay their power bill and therefore leave their houses (with guns Im guessing) and become irritable, go outside..where its still hot.. and shoot eachother!

Fucking Funny~! Fabulous conclusions Savannah